Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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