you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
