shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
