Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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