Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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