So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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