Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
