1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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