I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
