If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
