i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
