It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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