she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize
