TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
