My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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