Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
