my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
