she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
