My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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