saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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