he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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