I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
