he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
