Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
