my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
