The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
