its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sext me about skeletons
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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