I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
