I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
