Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
