this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bang-toberfest begins!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
