Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
