its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
