we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
