are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
