Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
