I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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