can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
