She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
