Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
