drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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