we're chasing vodka with high fives
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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