I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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