god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
