I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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