My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
