so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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