Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
