how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
