I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
