Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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