just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
