My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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