is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
