So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
