***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
