In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
