The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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