I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
