I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
