I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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