are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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