I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
