I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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