This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You can't just leave with hair like that
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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